


And they'll be missing from the photographs

by brightestplanet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: A lot of mentioned deaths, And When I say Angst I mean heavy angst, Angst, Established Relationship, Let Wedge have a break, Lot's of crying, Luke and Wedge are boyfriends fight me, M/M, Mentions of Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Survivor Guilt, sort of fluff? I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightestplanet/pseuds/brightestplanet
Summary: Wedge deals with the grief that's been piling up on him since Yavin. Luke is more than ready to tell him he didn't do anything wrong by surviving.Title sort of from good grief by Bastille because I am uncreative.
Relationships: Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	And they'll be missing from the photographs

**Author's Note:**

> UHHHHHH yeah idk this is only my second fic on Ao3 and I love these two a lot, I wrote this like a month ago and it's unbeta'd so pray for me ig

There's something about the quiet of the mess hall of their base at nearly three in the morning that really resonated with Wedge. The solitude was nice. The ability to make himself a cup of caf and sit alone was enjoyable. He wasn't avoiding anyone, he didn't hate people, he just needed to be alone with his thoughts. 

The mess was empty except for Wedge who sat with his caf held tight in hands with white knuckles. He'd awoken from a nightmare not long ago, his body telling him he couldn't stay in his bunk much longer or else he would go crazy sitting there. Names repeated in his mind as he sat there, names of dead fighters who had died in his squad, those in the death star and then those at hoth and then... those at endor. More would die under his command, he was sure of it. The command of Rogue Squadron had been passed to him when Luke had disappeared after the evacuation of Hoth and Wedge still didn't think he was ready for that responsibility...he was too tired for this. It had been barely a year since the conclusion of the battle of Endor but everything was too much and the rebellion clearly didn't know how to be a functioning government.

He took a long sip of his warm caf, reveling in the dark brew that he had made for himself. He didn't want to go back to sleep now, he couldn't bear to see the images of the ones he had lost again. And so, he focused on his caf and the stillness of the room with his hands tight around his mug. 

What broke him out of his own mind finally was the sound of soft footsteps and someone saying his name, he squinted as he looked up from where he had been staring into the dark liquid in his mug. Luke Skywalker stood there, he was wearing his most casual Jedi robes, at least they were casual for his normal outfits. 

Luke tilted his head when Wedge looked up at him, "That explains why you weren't in bed when I got to your room, then." He looked concerned, "I just got back, I wanted to see you before you ship out."

The pilot shook his head, letting out a soft sigh, "I needed air, I couldn't sleep."

"Why are you drinking caf? It's late, Wedge," Luke slid into the seat next to him, stealing his mug from his hands to take a sip. He made a disgusted look and quickly handed it back to Wedge, "I don't how you drink this stuff, tastes like the grease I used to get on my face back on Tatooine."

"It's better ruined with all the milk and sugar you put in yours," He stuck a tongue out at Luke, a childish gesture that was echoed by the Jedi next to him and Wedge gave him an exasperated look. They were supposed to be professionals but alone, they did what they wanted. 

Luke frowned at the other man. He could tell there was something wrong here so he reached to take one of Wedge's hands with his real hand and squeezed gently, "Why are you really awake at this hour?" He asked gently. 

"Nightmares, y'know? They happen, it's not a big deal, we all get them."

"That's not nothing…" Luke kissed his knuckles, holding his hand close to his lips and looking more concerned than before, "Would you try to get some more rest if I came with you?"

Wedge shook his head, "No. I don't really deserve the luxury at the moment, not when I know so many people who can't even rest in peace because of this damn war." His words had turned angry suddenly, the guilt and pain in his chest finally boiling over as his shoulders slumped and the carefully built dam holding back his pain had broken with a few words. Hot tears suddenly were falling from his eyes and the promise he made to not cry in front of anyone again was falling apart.

The other man wrapped his arms around him quickly, pulling him close so that Wedge could bury his face in his shoulder. He just let him cry for a bit of time before Wedge muttered a soft broken phrase against his shoulder, "It should have been me. I should have been the one shot down, killed, I should have been the one to not come back, y'know? No one deserved it...I don't deserve this life."

Wedge hadn't cried in so long. He hadn't shook with the weight of these deaths in so long now but the weight of the names and his responsibilities broke him in ways that he could never describe. He wished he could save every single pilot killed, he'd have traded his life if it could bring them back to their own families. He didn't have much for family, himself... would he be missed? Unlikely. He hadn't cried in so long but now he was breaking down in the Last Jedi's arms in a mess hall at three in the morning. 

Wedge Antilles wore his grief on his shoulders like a rank insignia. He'd been through hell and crawled out spitting blood and telling the empire to fight him personally. He'd have taken a shot for any pilot who'd died by his side or under his command but now...all he could do was grieve. He could only grieve the losses they'd faced and he could only try to cling to the memories he had with those pilots. Even those memories were slipping these days. No longer could he remember the sound of their voices or their mannerisms or the way any of them had been so talented. 

He was broken from his spiral by Luke's arms loosening around him, "Let's go back to your bed, okay? You need to get some rest when you've got this out of your system."

Wedge vaguely heard the words but he nodded anyways, he felt so broken and lost. The walk to his quarters had been so blurred he didn't realize he was there until Luke had sat him down and he was shaking again. Luke kneeled in front of him to cup his face in his hands, "Wedge, I need you to listen to me."

Wedge made a non-committal noise but Luke continued anyways, "You are so loved, you are so important," He pressed a kiss to his forehead, "Rogue Squadron? They'd be lost without Commander Antilles in charge," He pressed a kiss to his cheek this time, "And I? Force, Wedge...You have saved my ass in so many ways that I couldn't be here without you by my side." He finished his speech with a kiss pressed to Wedge's lips. 

Wedge weakly returned the kiss, his shoulders still shaking with the stutter of his breathing and the pain sitting heavy like a ship had used his chest as a landing pad. When the kiss broke, he leaned back into the bed and pulled Luke with him. 

"There we go, That's what we want." Luke said with a soft smile, "Go to sleep."

Wedge turned his face into Luke's shoulder again, he didn't want to have to look at him as he muttered, "Love you."

The jedi softly pressed a kiss to his hair, "Love you too, now rest." There was a bit of the force in the words, Wedge was in no way a weak minded individual but the force was just a push to get him to relax and go to sleep. He so desperately needed it. 

Wedge didn't wake up again that night. Sleep was welcoming to the exhausted pilot and he was thankful for that in the coming days. This war was not over yet.

**Author's Note:**

> :)


End file.
